Have Time, Will Travel
by therealshackleford1
Summary: As the aniversarry of the JFK assassination soon approaches, Dale is getting very excited. Through a normal chain of events, Dale stumbles upon a time machine and uses it to go back in time to November 21, 1963 to stop the killing of John F. Kennedy. Will he find Lee Harvy Oswald and prove the theory, or will he find a second gunman and change history. Stay tuned to find out.
1. Chapter 1

Just as a note, all rights are reserved to Mike Judge, proprietor of KOTH, which in my opinion, is the best animated show on Earth, period. I have followed it since its incarnation, and actually cried when the last episode aired.

Reviews are always appreciated, and fuel creative output.

As far as this story goes, I intend this to almost be another episode of the series. The canon is strong with this one, and my main man Dale will be taking the role as lead character in this.

Just as a disclaimer, I write my chapters in Roman numerals. If you need a numeral converter, just send me a message.

And awaaay we go.

Chapter I

It was your average fall day on Rainey Street in good old Arlen, Texas. It was in later November, about a week till Thanksgiving. As people flocked to the stores to grab their last minute cranberry sauce and turkeys, the four best friends in the entire world: Hank Hill, Dale Gribble, Bill Dauterive, and Jeff Boomhauer, were all in their usual spots in their coveted Rainey Street alley. The Alamo beer was plentiful.

"…and that's how propane, with the addition of a few propane accessories, can properly and perfectly cook a turkey." Hank finished as the others nodded in agreement.

"Well gentlemen, November 22nd is coming up, and you know what that means, right?" Dale asked as he turned his head around the group, looking for a comment.

"What Dale? Is it your anniversary? I wish I had an anniversary where I didn't dress up like Lenore and switch around in my seat pretending to have dinner. Hmmm." Bill asked, thinking he had the right answer.

"Shut up Bill." Hank said, shaking his head, "Just tell us Dale, nobody's gonna get the right answer."

"Yeah man, talkin' about them dang-ole guessin' games man talk about dang-ole, 21 questions man dang-ole, never get them things right man, dang-ole hard man." Boomhauer chimed in, backing up Hank's statement.

"Very well, since you simpletons do not know, November 22nd in the anniversary of when President John F Kennedy was assassinated by our government with the assistance of a few Cuban spies and Fidel Castro himself."

"Shut up Dale, the government did not kill JFK. Lee Harvey Oswald did. It said so in that book they published. And all those conspiracies you talk about are just asinine." Hank said, aggravated.

"See Hank, there's your problem. Your blind alligence to the government has left you in the dark once more. They just tell you what they _want _you to know. They'd never let a high-maintence plot like that get out to the public. Why do you think they killed Jake Ruby. He was ready to talk." Dale said as he took a puff of his Manitoba cigarette and flicked the ashes on the ground. Hank shook his head in fervent disagreement.

"Yeah, Hank man, dang-ole Gribble man got the right idea man talkin' bout that dang-ole grassy knoll man talkin' bout that dang-ole picket fence man with that dang-ole puff of smoke man talkin' bout that dang-ole Zappruder had that camera man, dang-ole, heard a shot from the back man. Dang-ole, grassy knoll man. Second gunman." Boomhauer said.

"Thank you Boomhauer!" Dale said as he raised his hands up in the air and said in a relieved tone. "See Hank, even Boomhauer is willing to vouch for me. Your blind alligence has failed you again. You're too stuck in the past, Hank. Times change, so should you."

"I am ashamed at you Boomhauer, siding with Dale's asinine conspiracies." Hank said as Boomhauer turned his head away in shame. "And Bill, I don't even wanna hear what you have to say. I thought you guys could trust the government, but now, I just don't know. I'm goin' home to watch television. At least they make a little sense on there." he said as he diappeared around the fence and went into his garage.

"He'll come back tomorrow. He always does." Dale said as he sniffed and flicked his ashes again.

"You know, I am surprised at Hank. He hasn't trusted television since Ronald Reagan was president." Bill said.

"Dang-ole can't keep up with the times man." Boomhauer said.

"Yep." Dale started.

"Yep." Bill continued.

"Umhmm." Boomhauer finished.

Back in Hank's house, he had just crossed the threshold from the garage to the house and presumed to go down the hallway and into the living room to sit down and watch some type of sports program. He flicked on the TV and found a fishing and hunting show on. He sat with a smile as a man cast off his line on the screen.

In the kitchen, Peggy was fixing her usual Frito Pie with WolfÒ brand Chili, in her usual mediocre fashion of course. Bobby was sitting at the table attempting to do his math homework.

"Mom, what is the quad-rat-ic formula?" he asked as he had trouble pronouncing the word "quadratic."

"Oh, well, even though I have substituted many an Algebra class in my day, it seems to have slipped my mind. Why don't you call Connie and ask her?" Peggy asked.

"She's out with her parents having dinner with the Wasonasongs tonight. Believe me, if she was here, I would have had it copied and done by know. Stupid Wasonasongs," he replied.

"Now Bobby, having other people do your work in no way to get through life. How do you think your father if he knew you copied your homework, hum?"

"He would say, 'Duh, is it about Ronald Reagan, Tom Laundary, or propane? If not, I'm not interested, I tell you w-hat.' That is what he says about all my school work."

"Now, now Bobby, your dad just tries. You know he is very tired when he gets home from work."

"I don't know why. All he does is sit there and talk to himself the whole day. I know, I've seen him do it."

"Now that is true Bobby, but he does help support his family. So I would not complain. HANK, supper's ready!" she screamed as Hank came through the door and took his seat at the table. Peggy brought the three of their plates and sat them down, as she herself took a seat. They said grace, then started eating.

"So Bobby, anything knew at school today?" Hank asked.

"Well, the most hil-arious thing happened today at lunch. Clark Peters pantsed Principal Moss, and he pantsed him right back! Then he got suspended for two whole weeks! If only I had a camera…"

"Now see, I always thought that Clark Peters was a trouble maker. I doubt he'll get very far with that type of thinking." Hank replied.

"So, Hank, anything new with the guys in the alley today?" Peggy asked.

"No, not much. Just more of Dale and his asinine JFK conspiracies. I swear, it's almost like that man doesn't shut up about it." he said.

"Now now Hank, you know it's that time of year. The anniversary is coming up, and you know Dale gets all antsy when it gets close. Every year."

"Don't remind me." Hank replied.


	2. Chapter II

Chapter II

Back at the Gribble manor, Nancy and Joseph were in the kitchen talking. Nancy, of course, was soon to leave for her job at Channel 84 news, and she had just finished eating supper. Joseph was preparing to go over to Bobby's house to copy his math work, just as Dale was walking through the door and into the kitchen.

"Hello my most bee-utiful wife are sporty son. How is my family this most fine evening?" Dale said as he came in and hugged Nancy from the back and tapped his son on the head.

"Hey dad," Joseph said.

"Dale honey, I gotta run in a minute, but there's a message for you on the phone. I didn't listen to it, but you can if you want. Your dinner is under some foil on the top stair going down to the basement, and make sure Joseph is in bed by 9. I love you, bye." Nance said as she kissed Dale and Joseph, then went out the door and off to work.

"Message huh? It must be Octavio with Jack Ruby's hat I ordered. I got it in brown this time!" he said cheerfully as he pointed his index finger up into the air.

Just as he started going down into the basement, Joseph stopped him.

"Dad, what's the quadratic formula?" Joseph asked, scratching his head with his pencil eraser.

"Oh, well that's easy son, it's minus b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus 4ac all over 2a. Everyone knows that." he said in one thorough statement, with each word following the next. Joseph was astonished that he came out with it so fast, and the fact that he knew it at all.

"Gee thanks dad, that sure did help!" Joseph said.

"You're welcome son, now it you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to." Dale said as he grabbed his _Soldier of Fortune, American Rifleman, _and _Conspiracies Monthly _magazines he had gotten in the mail and proceeded to open the door going down into is special place known as the basement. He noted the plate on the top step and got very excited.

"Oh goodie-goodie, what'd I get, what'd I get!" Dale anticipated as he picked up the plate and carried it down the stairs and sat it on his computer desk along with his magazines. He pulled back the aluminum foil and found a piece of meatloaf topped with gravy, mashed potatoes topped also with the gravy, and some broccoli with cheese on top.

"Oh goodie-goodie-goodie!" Dale exclaimed as he threw away the aluminum foil and proceeded to pour himself a glass of ice-cold Mountain Dew from one of his CO2 pressurized barrels. After doing so he went and sat down at his desk, and ate his supper as he leafed through _Soldier of Fortune._ He circled several ads and would call back the numbers at a later date.

"Oh my goodness, is Nancy a good cook or what?" Dale said with a mouthful as he went back to get a refill of Dew. After he finished eating he put his plate to the side and got yet another Dew refill. After doing so he started to read into _American Rifleman _when he remembered the call Nancy had mentioned earlier by seeing the flashing "1" on the telephone next to his computer on the desk.

"Oh that's right, it's that call Nancy was talking about." he said as he leaned over and pressed the button that would read the message for him. Directly after he pressed the button, the iconic electronic voice came over the speakers:

"You have…1...message. Monday, November 19th at…9:40 AM." the voice said, as it now cut to the message.

"Hello, Mr. Gribble. This is Lt. Sutherland from the Blanda Army Base here in Arlen. I am calling to remind you of your appointment to come exterminate the base on Wednesday, November 21st, at 0900 hours. As usual, just come to the front office building to receive you security clearance and leave your bill when the job is over. We thank you for your service to the country and hope you have a wonder Thanksgiving holiday. Goodbye."

"End of…messages." the machine said as it gave the ending "click-up" sound and a tone.

"Hmm, interesting. I could have swore that was Octavio with the hat. Oh well, what ya gonna do?" he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

In the middle of his reading of _Conspiracies Monthly, _Dale looked up and saw someone at his front door from his security monitor. He heard the door bell ring several time.

"Now, this time it better be Octavio." he said as he set the magazine down and went up the stairs and through the house to the front door. The bell rang several more times and he yelled "Coming!" as he was approaching the door.

Of course, before opening it, he had to undo the 6 manual locks on the door and the digital alarm with a 3 step code. After the ding of the door unlocking, Dale opened it and saw Octavio standing in front of him with a medium sized cardboard box.

"Octavio, do you have the _el stuffo por mio?_" Dale asked, as he leaned into Octavio's ears.

"I got the hat you ordered, _esse_." he replied.

"Excellent. This will be quite the centerpiece for this year's Thanksgiving. I wonder what other colors it comes in?" he asked, as he grabbed the box and held on to it.

"Oh esse, I've got ET's cell phone that you've been wanting." Octavio added, handing Dale another small cardboard box.

"Octavio, you're a life saver. I've been searchin' for this baby for 15 years. How much do I owe you?" Dale asked.

"250 dollars American, esse." Octavio replied, holding his hand out.

"250 dollars? Why don't I just go and dig out the gold in my backyard and give it to you?" Dale asked in a sarcastic tone.

"Really esse, cause I can go get my shovel" Octavio said, obviously not picking up on the sarcasm Dale had implied.

"Of course not! Why would I give you my gold? What would you buy with it? More gold?" Dale raised his voice as he leaned into Octavio's face.

"Okay, okay, lo siento Gribble. Cash would be fine. No checks though."

"Fine, fine." Dale said as he sat the boxes down, took out his wallet, and pulled out two hundreds and a fifty. He placed them in Octavio's hands and Octavio greedily and placed them in his pocket.

"Gracias Senor Gribble." Octavio said as he turned around and walked away.

"No no, thank _you._" Dale said as he picked up his boxes, went back in the house, and re-fortified his front entrance.

"Alright, Ruby's hat _and _ET's cell phone he used to give secret botanic secrets to the Soviets with. Could the day get anymore perfect?" he said as he rushed back downstairs to take Ruby's hat out of the box.

"It's beautiful!" he exclaimed as he moved it and placed it into his designated hat case on his desk.

"And now for the big tamale!" he said as he opened up the box containing ET's cell phone. "Finally, just a little further examination, and I can trace the calls he made to Khrushchev about the secret dandelion plantations growing in California." Dale said as he removed the cell phone with a metal pair of tongs and placed it into a plastic bag, and sealed the bag up tight.

"This calls for a celebration!" he said as he put on a pair of rubber gloves and dialed the phone. After two or three rings, he said,

"You don't know me, but I know you , and if you-"

"Dang-ole Gribble man what you talkin' bout man talkin' bout dang ole, callin' me this late man, talkin' bout that dang-ole crank call man just dang ole, dang man, dang ole, grow up man, talkin' bout dang ole see you tomorrow man" Boomhauer said on the other end as he hung up.

"Oh well, I got Ruby's hat, and ET's phone!" Dale sang as he got up and started dancing around the room. He chanted around the room several more times before sitting back down and started leafing through his magazine again.


End file.
